Bad nights sleep continued

    I already stated that I had a bad night of sleep. Funerals and friends were on my mind all night. As you may have read I vented about the funerals. Now I want to vent about friends.
    I have very few close friends in my life I always said that was a good thing. I am not so sure anymore. Friends and family can and will hurt you worse than anyone or anything else in this life. I have always had this underlying current in my soul that does not let me let go of the past. On Facebook I have more friends in my friends list that I haven't seen in 30 years than I have of the people that I see on a regular basis. Is this normal? Am I fucking insane? However, these people seem to have the same sort of undercurrent. We can connect on Facebook, or call one another and we can talk about shit as though we never lost touch. There are blank spots but not uncomfortable blank spots.
    Just recently, I lost a few people in my life that I felt were friends. I met everyone of them online. Several of these people I have never met in my life but our acceptance of each other and trust in each others confidence was as comfortable as any other friendship I have had. I started thinking about it in my sleep and woke up mad as hell. I have been concerned that something I said or did helped or caused the end of our friendship and it very well may have. However, this is not a bad thing. Although it hurt a little, it was not a huge loss as I honestly didn't have any investment in these relationships . They were with people I have never met personally  with the exception of one, and with people that never got the chance to actually get to know me as a person.
    It made me feel a little better, but it also pissed me off that I had been trying to find a way to try and make amends of some kind. That I actually cared what these people thought of me and that they caused me to lose some sleep. When I was a much younger man, I had the most awesome "I don't give a shit attitude." I could end a friendship or relationship in the blink of an eye and I never cared nor regretted my decisions. Today though I am different. I understand that everyone has feelings and tolerances, and you can hurt and destroy both.
    Friendships are important and knowing the difference between friends and acquaintances is also important. If you don't understand the difference you will end up losing a hell of a lot of sleep over people that aren't worth your time getting to know in the first place. I can honestly see another round of culling the friends list on Facebook occurring. I  would do this so I can focus on the true friends I do have in my life and not worry so much about the acquaintances I have accumulated over the years.